Oxygenation by Michael Bass

As long as we put up with huge, unchecked volumes of
oxygen in the air, there will be tragic conflagrations. Fire requires oxygen.
Where does oxygen come from? Plants! That's where!

Plants may be pretty because they put flowers out or they are a lush green.
That's to seduce us into putting up with their continuous belching of raw,
fire-hungry oxygen into our air supply.

If plants could speak, they would say, "Burn, baby, burn!" If they were not
radically pro-blaze they would not suffuse our precious air with their
excrement - - their oygen.

We of the animal world must not stand by and let the plant world run roughshod
over us.

Remember:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Colors are not
All that plants do.

Sign the petition that we Animal Chauvinists present to you at your local flower
shop, where we will be picketing. It is an appeal to our senators to rise up
against the ocean of oxygen that is the source of every deadly fire. They MUST
find a way to rid our environment of oxygen and oxygen-sympathetic gases before
we all go to blazes.

The petition is called Gas Alarm Senate Petition or GASP.

Soon we will go after plants, but we must take it a step at a time. There are
fuzzy-minded liberals who want to coddle plants, and who think an all-animal
world would be unesthetic, less colorful, folic acid deficient, and
lung-negating. They trot out the usual scientific proofs that they seem to have
for every issue, but answer this: Can we stop the fires with math?! Can you put
out a raging inferno with algebra hoses?!

NO! Sign the petition. The last word in ending oygen is GASP.